As a freshman, I don’t remember what it’s like to have a break that goes for longer than two weeks that doesn’t involve an endless amount of homework. So far, there has been no homework, and it has been three weeks, so now I am truly at a loss for how to spend my time at home. To help you avoid my predicament, here’s some things you could do to make the rest of break pass easily:
- Get all your textbooks for next semester (and by get, I mean rent).
- Get all your supplies for next semester.
- Reconnect with high school friends (actually, probably don’t).
- Get too attached to your dog, ignoring the inevitable heartbreak that will ensue come Jan. 8.
- Realize your cat will become attached to you Jan. 7.
- Take over a tiny island in the Caspian Sea. Full instructions here.
- Read all the novels you were assigned in high school English that seemed really interesting, but by virtue of being homework, were not read.
- Sleep your life away. You finally can without feeling bad.
- Pitch a tent in the movie theatre and watch every movie coming out this season. (Actually, don’t, that’s illegal. However, going to the movies is a good, legal idea.)
- Wake up at noon every day, realize you didn’t — and won’t — miss class, go back to sleep.
- Play a lot of video games. Play all of them. Every. Single. One.
- Convince yourself 70 degrees is cold.
- Go to the beach, enjoying that 80 degree Christmas weather. Climate change is weird.
- Think about doing something on campus, be sad because you won’t be able to for another week.
- Help out around the house, lol.
- Relish in the feeling of not having to pay for food or toilet paper, ignoring the dread of having to do it again very soon.
- Lookup educational Youtube channels like Crashcourse to get a head start in your classes. Or just… don’t. That’s fine too.
- If you felt you didn’t have time for an existential crisis over Labor Day weekend, well, you have a week now:
What better time for an existential meltdown? There are billions of things to do in the world and you haven’t done enough and never will. Most likely, you will do one thing, something you don’t love, and specialize in that thing. You will take on more responsibilities as time runs out to do other things. You age. You look back on life like, “Now I can’t do all these other things.” You’re not unique. You’ll outlive your pets. If you aren’t struggling with barely enough money to get by, you’ll buy things to fill the void, trying to answer the question of “What now?” Dozens/hundreds/thousands of people have suffered to make the products you consume. In the end, all that’s left is a headstone/urn and your social media profiles. Thinking about having kids? They’re going to die and their offspring will die. Sure we’ll prolong our lifespan at some point, but the life/death cycle continues until the sun envelops our planet in a billion years. Thinking about not having kids? You’re ending a line of humans having kids that’s going back at least 15,000 years. Carrie Fisher, Gene Wilder, Muhammad Ali, Snape, Harambe, your hopes and dreams all died — you’re still here — is there really any justice?
- Get your wisdom teeth removed. Actually, don’t. Spare yourself. If yours are coming in straight or you were born without them, remember those who have to suffer instead. Laugh at them in silence.
- Enjoy being home with your new perspective.
- Figure out how to navigate through endless questions about college without revealing the meltdown you probably had, or were constantly having.
- Look around the UNF website and familiarize yourself with policies and procedures so as to not spam the Facebook group with the same question over and over again. Looking at you, class of 2020.
- Be sad you have to leave your desk chair with its arm rests and height.
- Continue to stay alive.
- To all of the students visiting places outside of Florida, wear warm things. We’re thinking of you.
- Remember to wish your Russian Orthodox friends a Merry Christmas on Jan. 7!
- Haha, no New Year’s kiss for you. Maybe you were passed out by 9, maybe you’re alone. Kiss or not, you get to watch 2016 die, and that is the best gift of them all. Valentine’s Day?
- Realize what an accomplishment being in college and getting through your first semester (or any semester) is. Congrats!
For more information or news tips, or if you see an error in this story or have any compliments or concerns, contact email@example.com.