Some like their burgers phat
By Ashley Gannon, Assistant Features Editor
As the waitress closes in on our table, I can smell wafts of syrup and cinnamon tingle in my nose, reminding me that my sweet tooth is very much still intact. I was hesitant about ordering the French toast because of its daunting portion, but I gave into temptation. Also, 11 a.m. is a tad early for me to chow down a loaded burger.
The waitress placed an oversized plate in front of me that looked like it was meant to feed a family of elephants. What filled my medium-sized brown eyes was five — yes, five — slices of bread, cooked to perfection and topped with powdered sugar, cinnamon and syrup. Only in America can you find portions of this … proportion!
I forced my fellow patrons to share the meal with me. Low and behold, being the true Americans that we are, we gobbled the plate clean. Ryan’s plate was also left without a scrap of burger.
Despite the immense amount of carbs, or as I call them, “Satan’s candy,” the slices were thinner than normal and therefore not as filling. If you prefer a healthier option, the place carries wheat bread.
Overall, the food was fresh, the service was quick and easy, and the atmosphere comfortable and eclectic — with couches lining the front walls and whiteboards decorated with customers’ drawings. I left Col. Mustard’s with a new favorite breakfast joint under my belt and a bulging food baby resting over it.
By: Ryan Thompson, Features Editor
Because my eating buddy chose a breakfast dish, I decided to go for a PHAT Burger. A quick scan of the menu reveals that phat is the only type of burger Col. Mustard’s offers, which is as amusing as it is promising.
Most of the everyday burgers only cost $5.45 – perfect for open-until-3 a.m.-on-Friday-and-Saturday dining. The thicker burgers cost more, but a larger chunk of beef sits in the Kaiser roll.
My order came with an oh-you’re-adventurous remark. I sat excited and a bit impatient while the cooks in the back prepared the meals. That speaks miles about the if-I-order-a-burger-I-want-it-now burger culture to which I’ve become accustomed.
At least the sinkable beige couches removed the memory of the order until the French toast platter arrived. My burger followed shortly after, and I marveled at its size as it approached. I could barely see the jalapeno peppers hiding behind the top of the roll, but I readied myself for the first bite. The burger I ordered, dubbed Hog, also features lettuce, tomato and mayo.
Admittedly, I was worried the burger wouldn’t contain enough condiments, but that all changed when the juices filtered out after the initial chomp. I let my eating buddy take a bite, even though I knew she’s not one for spicy. It bit her pretty hard, but I found the whole burger mild, probably due to that slice of cheese.
As the French toast platter vanished, I had one bite of it, even though I was still chomping on one of my last bites of Hog. The two mixed together wonderfully and created a great eating experience.
NEED SOME NOMS?
Col. Mustard’s shared the same shopping center as Landshark Cafe in Jacksonville Beach. It’s address is 1722 Third St. N., and it’s open from 8 a.m. until 10 p.m. Sunday – Thursday and 8 a.m. until 3 a.m. Friday and Saturday.