Forever Alone: Make these changes to change your love life

Lindsay Montgomery

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Are you single, but your friends keep telling you you’re a great catch? Nobody calls you after the first date? Do your relationships never last more than a few weeks?

Oh, dear.

No, it’s OK; we can fix this. Take a look through this list of what to stop doing immediately to see if any of these oversights are stopping suitors at a once-over.

1. You’re smelly

This one is simple. You could be THAT girl or guy — great personality, good sense of humor, terrifying armpits. If you’re at all worried this is you, don’t be afraid to ask friends who will tell you the truth. It’s possible they’ve been sparing your feelings so far. The flipside of this is too much cologne or perfume. I’m glad you think the $100 bottle was worth it, but I’ve been holding my breath since you stepped on the shuttle. Lastly, check your breath. You mustn’t always be minty, but at least brush regularly, eh?

2. You’re fake

People, we live in Florida. Stop fake tanning. The beds aren’t good for you, and the sprays aren’t attractive. Embrace your skin tone. I’m pale for living in the Sunshine State, but I don’t deny myself the healthy glow of some vitamin D production. Girls — fake nails, fake hair and a thick paste of foundation? Remember, it’s the people with natural beauty who turn heads. Don’t make a potential date wonder where the real you is hiding. Guys — put your clothes back on. I realize you’ve worked hard on those abs, and maybe she has been dying to see them. But she doesn’t need to see them right now. Give her the pleasure of going to the beach with you or coming across that shirtless photo on your Facebook. Don’t force it.

3. You’re clingy

If you fall in love quickly, at least learn to stay cool on the outside. There’s an incredibly long, dramatic, emotional, mostly one-sided text conversation between a girl and a guy who went on one date together circulating around the Internet. And it’s hilarious … at her expense. She’s embarrassingly needy about this guy’s attention. You can be proactive and invite your love interest out, or send unnecessary texts just to be nice, but don’t smother. Another great way to freak out a potential partner is treating him like your future husband before you’ve even met his mother. Slow down.

4. You’re selfish

I don’t know if you’ll be self-aware enough to realize this about yourself, but you may be a little too self-absorbed for anyone to want to be your significant other — or should I say biggest fan? Think about how much you know about who you’ve dated recently. If you can’t come up with much, that’s probably a warning sign. Especially if they saw all 238 pictures from your last vacation, know your favorite foods and heard enough about your lit class that they could pass the final. Make sure you’re asking questions and taking mental notes about the person you’re with. She’ll appreciate it if you bring her a coffee just how she likes it because you’ve heard her recite her order at Starbucks a few times.

5. You’re overwhelming

Enjoy the chase a little, won’t you? Instead of making not-so-subtly-sexual jokes at your office crush, sitting on his lap or bending over in short skirts in front of him to grab something you dropped “accidentally,” be your normal self. This goes for you, too, guys. You don’t have to comment on her body, demonstrate how easily you can pick her up or see if she’s ticklish. There’s plenty of time to get physical. In the meantime, respect your potential other’s personal space. Ladies, strike a balance between Hepburn and Monroe. Guys, what would your mother say?!

Now, of course, you may not see any of these things as problems. If you have an “I’m me, love it or hate it” attitude, that’s OK. Just realize you may have to be patient — possibly more than you’re willing to be.