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Inside the Huddle: Straight Cash, Homie

Graphic by Caitlyn Broyles
Graphic by Caitlyn Broyles


In this week’s Inside the Huddle, we make our unanimous pick for who will win the College Football Championship based solely on mascots, I get to censor one of my reporters, and Spike Lee finally has a reason to be proud of the Knicks.

The college football playoffs are set! We’ve got the Clemson Tigers versus the Oklahoma Sooners and the Michigan State Spartans versus the Alabama Crimson Tide. Based on mascots alone, what would your playoff bracket look like?

CA: Human ingenuity would prevail in my choices, although I’d like to see both matchups unravel in real life. So that puts the Sooners up against the Spartans. In the end, those badass Spartans would probably still win a battle against the “technologically superior” Sooners.

JS: The Tigers will knock out the Sooners on one side and the Spartans will knock out the Crimson Tide. In the championship round, the Spartans will knock out the Tigers to be the ultimate winner.

AH: In fourth place I put the (metaphorical) elephant of Alabama. I understand that they can’t make a mascot out of a “Crimson Tide” but that’s their fault for picking a stupid team name like that. In third I pick the Tigers because “Tigers” is the most basic team name in history (see Clemson, Auburn, LSU, Missouri, Memphis, Towson, the list goes on). In second place I pick the horse of the Oklahoma Sooners because it’s a lot better than putting a guy in prairie clothes as a mascot. And in first place I put the Spartan because the movie 300 is metal as hell.

Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown’s touchdown celebration on Sunday has NFL fans buzzing at its brilliance. What do you think of Brown’s field goal body slam?

CA: This gives me fond memories of an infamous Randy Moss TD celebration back when he played for the Vikings. He effectively pantomimed dropping his pants and booty-bumped the field goal. Of course, he was fine. But he paid it with “straight cash, homie”.

JS: Antonio Brown’s touchdown celebration has to be one of the funniest I have ever seen. What makes him happy after scoring is all him for me. Even if it is a tad bit extreme. I mean who would think to actually body slam a field goal?

AH: Eh he could’ve done better. I would’ve gotten fined for this, but I would’ve gotten on one knee like I was proposing to an opposing team player, pulled out my middle finger instead of a ring, and said, [expletive].

Knicks forward Kristaps Porzingis is arguably the second most exciting player to watch in the NBA right now. Will he be the savior that the Knicks need to bring them back to basketball relevance?

CA: Not only is he going to save the Knicks, he’ll either make Melo good and humble or push him out of New York entirely. On top of that, he’s making the big man front court positions still seem important in an NBA where run-and-gun offenses are king.

JS: Kristaps Porzingis is making a name for himself this season. I believe he could be the savior for the Knicks and move them back into primetime basketball.  At just 20 years old, he is a massive 7 footer with a good piece of meat on him. He is already averaging 14 points and 8 rebounds which is just what the basketball gods order for a star rookie.

AH: Who is Kristaps Porzingis? And what even is a “Knick” anyway?

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