Listen, ladies, campus sports have never been so steamy

Spinnaker

Based on my Inside the Huddle comments this week and in the past, you should be aware by now that I don’t know diddly-squat about anything sports-related — unless it involves my beloved Vancouver Canucks, of course.

I’ll admit, hesitantly, that I tend to establish favoritism toward players according to their looks. Shallow, I know.

In what is probably my only defense, I’m a girl! I can handle a good tackle football game without bitching, but I’d much rather watch from the sidelines while drooling.

So, I’ve decided to point out my top-five hunky sportsmen at UNF, starting and ending with the basketball team, which, luckily for me, is chalk-full of lookers.

As we all know, our men’s basketball team had a great season this year, making it to some sort of big championship or something like that. But in the pack of attractive players, one man stands out: Andy Diaz.

Not only is he tall, fit, and oh-so-studly, he doesn’t mess around on the court. He started all 31 games this past season, and he’s only a sophomore.

His seductive smirk and tantalizing triceps make ladies in the crowd, most noticeably myself, go bananas. If you’re wondering why the stadium is filled to the brim with fans, thank this gorgeous being.

Now, the court isn’t the only place to find sweaty, sexy men. It’s summertime, and the men’s tennis team is working hard under the sun.

But one player wouldn’t need a drop of talent to draw me to the stands, and that man is Moritz Buerchner. I would be satisfied if his sole job on the team was to stand there and look yummy.

However, I don’t mind watching him play, considering all the heaving and grunting he delivers. Thank you, Germany, for giving us this talented and equally attractive tennis babe.

I understand this next kid has an impressive resume, but I’m much more concerned with his luscious lips. Wowza. Robbie Collier has me choking on my sunflower seeds as I watch him take his place in the outfield or on the pitcher’s mound.

Now, I know I’ve previously extended a marriage proposal to a current basketball player who shall remain nameless until the end of this column, but if Collier ever gave me a second glance I’d rip that non-existent ring right off my finger and join Collier in dugout heaven, whatever that means.

Being a runner myself, I have a thing for men with endurance — Justin Mims of the UNF track team, you’ve got my heart rate shooting through the roof. I caught a glimpse of the required track uniform, and I must say, it leaves nothing to the imagination.

If guys are allowed to enjoy watching cheerleaders prancing and twirling in tiny pleated skirts, then let us ladies enjoy a tight unitard, for goodness sake. Mims, keep working those glistening gams, they’ll get you far in my book.

And last, but as you all know, certainly not least — there’s Jimmy Williams Jr. This semester, I’ve called Williams out a few times. And while our passing in the hallway of the Arena weeks ago probably meant nothing to him, it was the highlight of my semester.

I couldn’t have felt more like a giddy schoolgirl. But I think I’ve said just about all I can say to — and about — my number one hunk, Jimmy, this semester. And I now have just one last thing to say: DIBS!