Top Five Reasons Why ELO Rules

Spinnaker

OK, so I honestly set out this week to compile a list of Top Five Rainy Day Ditties or something else somewhat relevant to anyone else, but then I started the other morning with a rousing spin of Electric Light Orchestra’s “Evil Woman” and all precipitation-mindedness on my part went right down the proverbial drain. I thought to myself, “Wow, why is this band SO INCREDIBLE?” And I thought and I thought and I thought. And then I decided, OK, I think I’ll pinpoint and lay it all out exactly why everyone at this dinky university should share my sentiment regarding this colossal ’70s group. So here, dear reader(s), I present you with the Top Five Reasons Why ELO Rules. You know, just to make life a little easier for you when it comes to verbalizing love for the Birmingham, England-based group. Set down your straw and read on:

– “Evil Woman”

This song from their 1975 release “Face the Music” sounds, in my opinion, to best replicate in an audio-fashion exactly what one might think an electric light orchestra would sound like. Laser beam noises go on repeat in a most-perfect anthem for all boys with fluffy hair to boo-hoo over some money-siphoning hussy. Which brings me to my next reason …

– Jeff Lynne’s hair

Lynne, who also spent some time playing with the Traveling Wilburys, defined the frontman fro with his exuberant, friendly ringlets. Plus, it defies gravity despite the degree of rocking, kind of like some majestic Brillo pad attached to the top of his head. It could probably double as a motorcycle helmet … or at least a travel pillow.

– There are a million people in the band

Not quite up to Polyphonic Spree’s ranks of small-city sizes, but ELO definitely gets up there with its member count. If only the guys behind Backstreet Boys could have really let loose their image categorization tendencies on this revolving roster of over a dozen musicians. Think about it, it could have been real marketing genius. Regardless, it’s fun to pick and choose temporary favorites among the band. My flavor for the month of February? The sensitive, poetic one, Wilfred Gibson, grinding that violin action, of course.

– The spaceships

According to my dad, during live show, the Light Orchestra would jump out of giant, fake (they’re from England, not Mars, come on) UFO things and start running around the stage with their fiddles, basically electrifying the crowd and probably making a few folks pee their pants in sheer anticipation. Plus outer space is always cool. Don’t you forget that.

– They’re still not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Modesty always helps earn sympathy/snob cred. Despite ELO’s monstrous success ever since their birth in fall 1970, the band still hasn’t received an invite to the Cleveland museum yet. Who knows? Perhaps 2010 will be the year for Lynne and the gang