Alright, so you probably caught a glimpse of our cover story, which during production, we gave it the slug (or working name, for you non-journalist folk) “UPD WTF?” A question most of us have probably muttered. Sometimes one might mutter this while trotting as quickly as their little, wiggly legs can carry them from the first acronym. In celebration of this terrifying endeavor some of you might encounter during your days of scholastic sophistication as the UN of F, I’ve compiled a list of Top Five Songs to Run from the UPD to. And remember I said this: don’t break the law, kids. And DON’T smoke cigarettes in the dorm building stairwells, even if it’s raining. In kind of random order:

1) “Run” by Ghostface Killah

Straight outta the mouth of one of Wu Tang’s finest (and sexiest, if you ask this girl) members, Ghostface chronicles breaking out of a jail cell through some slick rhymes with a killer backbeat. Pulled from 2004’s “Pretty Toney” album – after all, Tony Starks IS Ghost’s Christian name – this track shows the non-pretty side of bookin’ it from the pigs. Of course Ghost’s days in Tang taught him well, as proven in this ditty positively soaked in samples like sirens, frantic footsteps and gangster-convo interludes. Jadakiss logically plays Ghost’s accessory in their jog from the law, spitting lines like, “And I’m asthmatic, so I’m lookin’ for somewhere to hide at/ But they too close, and I got this new toast/ ‘Magine if I would of let off a shot or two, you know what I gotta do.” ‘Magine that, eh?

2) “Guns of Brixton” by The Clash

From the seminal “London Calling” album that some dubbed “The Best Album of the 1980s,” ironically so since it dropped Dec. 7, 1979, Mick Jones brewed up this creeping-friendly ballad. Vibraslap and shuffling bongo slaps build a nice beat to which you pace your stride from the fuzz. Take note of their pertinent lyrics like, “His game was survivin’/ As in heaven as in hell.” The Clash’s impeccable employment of jungly basslines and upbeat guitar strums, especially boasted in this track, prove why they are one of the best bands ever … screw the ‘80s, of all time is more like it.

3) “Police Story” by Black Flag

Oh man, talk about despising law enforcement, these guys wrote the book. Dreamt into all-ferocious existence by guitarist Greg Ginn, this song seethes with hatred. Although fleeing from the po-po is never explicitly stated, the general feelings reiterated toward the police force could provide a sort of support system or anthem, if you will, to crank in your noggin whilst jostling yourself to a sanctuary free from the claws of the almighty UPD (“Understand we’re fighting a war we can’t win/ They hate us, we hate them”). If nothing else, lead singer Henry Rollins’ growls and oozing vehemence will stoke you with enough energy and balls to try.

4) “You Better Run” by Junior Kimbrough

One of the godfathers of the Mississippi mud-caked, acid-tinged blues, Kimbrough didn’t drop a full-fledged debut album until 1992 on Fat Possum Records, despite his birthday in 1930. On that world-rattling release, “All Night Long,” came this song here, urging the importance to get the hell away from that man chasing you. Sure, in this song, it kind of appears that the dude chasing this chick is some whacked-out, abusive boyfriend, but I feel it could be a nice metaphor for how the police can getcha. Even the rather serious line, “Don’t let him get you/ If he gets you, baby/ I don’t know but you know he’s gonna rape you,” can be applicable still in an allegorical sense … like, ruining your record, your future. After all, Junior’s just looking out for you.

5) “Feds in Town” by UGK

Come on. Admit it, you just waited to see Underground Kingz pop up. Laden thick with shout outs to people wantin’ on Bun B and Pimp C’s trouser snakes, it’s quite clear that there’s one mission in this song: to lay low. This one is less of a running, and maybe more a sleuthing, from the coppers track. Feelin’ as ’94 as the album ‘Feds’ first appeared on, “Super Tight … ,” there’s lots of glossy synth and sexy basslines. It’s all about making sacrifices in order to maintain a low profile from the ever-crushing law, like taking the tags off your Buick and whatnot. Just some things to keep in mind whilst a-hustlin’ away from jail bars (or the dreaded “detox chambers”), because, as the Kingz so eloquently stated, “There’s no more clownin’ in this town, bro.”