No, you’ve got the wrong guy, I can explain!
Facing a domestic charge, a man in Portsmouth, N.H., didn’t want the police to know his true identity because there was a warrant out for his arrest, so he showed them his friend’s driver’s license.

Unfortunately for him, there was also a warrant out for the friend’s arrest.

Oh honey, I need to speak with you…now!
A man in Buckinghamshire, England, married his fourth wife without bothering to divorce his third.

The third wife subsequently sent a letter with divorce papers to his home, which was opened by Wife No. Four.

I can’t describe their faces, officer, I was … uh … distracted:
An 18-year-old boy on a bicycle was accosted in Stuart, Fla., by a group of semi-clad women wearing suspenders but no shirts or bras.

They surrounded him, and, before he knew it, stole $100 from his back pocket.

I must say, sir, you are unusually patriotic:
A man applying for a job claimed to have been in the military, and listed his service dates which started before he was born.

Hope we didn’t interrupt anything:
After his computer was stolen from his car, a man in White Plains, N.Y., tried to learn the thief’s identity by using a remote access program to log on and watch the computer being used.

“He was mostly using it to watch porn,” the victim said, but the thief finally registered on a Web site with his name and address.

Police went there and grabbed him.

So, you see, I was going to use the money to help others:
A teenager in Fountain, Colo., hired two other teens to kill his mother.

They failed.

After his arrest, he told authorities he intended to use mom’s assets to get breast implants for his girlfriend.

I’m going to kill you! … oh, sorry, ma’am:
While at a crowded bar in Harperwoods, Mich., a man who was fuming at his wife decided he wanted to take her car keys and leave.

So he went up behind her, put a gun to her head and demanded them.

But it was the wrong woman. As soon as he realized this, he found his wife, took the keys and left. He was arrested.

I tried to go straight, officer, I really did:
Shortly after being released from the county jail in Port Charlotte, Fla., a man was arrested again for trying to steal a car in the jail’s parking lot.

Oh, gawd, yes! I am healed!
A Tucson, Ariz., man was arrested for setting up a “church” which, authorities say, was actually a massage parlor/house of prostitution.

In his defense, the man said his goal was to comfort the afflicted through “the laying on of hands.”

Your keys? Why, no, I haven’t seen them:
A surveillance camera in the parking lot of a Tampa nightclub recorded a woman making out with a man on the hood of her $110,000 Maserati after a night of partying.

When it came time to leave, she noticed her keys were missing so she got a friend to drive her home to get the spare key.

As soon as she left, the man she had been kissing unlocked the sports car and drove off. This was also observed by the surveillance camera.

Ok, captain mystery, in the wagon:
A man became trapped in the air duct in the Knoxville Museum of Art and called 911 on his cell phone so the police could rescue him.

When asked what he was up to, he explained that he was “a special agent with the United States Illuminati, badge number 0931,” and was there to defuse a Soviet-made nuclear bomb.

Police did not believe him.

(c) 2008, McClatchy-tribune News
Service Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.