Top Five songs honoring meat

Spinnaker

Veg Fest is in town this weekend, but I didn’t want to exclude the meat-lovers from our list of priorities, and neither did these bands. So turn up the tunes, and rock out with your pork chop out.

“Pork And Beans”
 by Weezer

The lyrics lead to the conclusion that Weezer wrote this song as a slight toward American materialism by listing off what it takes to be cool. Unfortunately, it just sounds like your average Weezer single, with layered guitar beats and the suggestion that he eats candy with pork and beans. Sounds tasty.

“Cheeseburger In Paradise” by Jimmy Buffet

Yes, poke fun all you want for putting ole Buffet on the list, but this American anthem, if you will, represents white suburbia in all its glory. So grab your off-white linen pants, guzzle a margarita
and sing along to this tune. Don’t deny it, I know you know all the words.

“Eggs And Sausage (In A Cadillac With Susan Michelson)”
 by Tom Waits

Waits’ rough, bluesy vocals are surprising; he belches about eating breakfast food in a caddy. However, it isn’t the only mention of edibles on his “Nighthawks At the Diner” album. He adds a shout-out to chili and burgers in the track, as well. He may have invented the breakfast burrito without even realizing it.

“Meat Is Murder”
 by The Smiths

OK, so this frightening jingle is actually an anti-meat track, but it makes the Top Five this week for not only mentioning meat but also for featuring actual meat sounds during the song, as Morrissey sampled the sounds of cows mooing throughout the tune. I commend them for pushing the envelope, but next time, leave the animal sounds for Old McDonald.

“Killer Tofu” by The Beets

Doug Funny’s favorite band isn’t actually singing about the meat substitute, they are referring to fast food as killer tofu. “Fast food feels fuzzy/ Cause it’s made from stuff that’s skuzzy/ I always
thought I was such a nerd/ I refused to eat that strange bean curd.” What happened to the good ole days when cartoons kept kids out of their parents’ hair while simultaneously teaching them to eat right — one rock and roll song at a time?