Worst movies of 2013

Daniel Woodhouse

The Counselor ranked as #1 worst movie of 2013 Photo courtesy Facebook
The Counselor ranked as #1 worst movie of 2013.
Photo courtesy of Facebook.

Each year has its high points and low points in cinema. Yesterday we looked at last year’s best films; now we’ll take a glance at last year’s worst films.

The Worst:

# 5 A Good Day to Die Hard: Every franchise has to end sometime. A Good Day to Die Hard should be credited for gutting one of the most relatable and coolest action icons, John McClane. This movie has an absurd screenplay, even by Die Hard standards, and ludicrously unrealistic action scenes that would’ve easily killed the manliest of men. I take back whatever complaints I had about the previous installment; this movie makes Die Hard 4 look like a Picasso painting.

#4 Mama: This movie embodies everything that’s wrong with Hollywood’s approach to horror movies. Mama suffers from a weak script and cheap, predictable scares. Moreover, it has one of the worst ending resolutions I’ve seen in a long time. At least The Conjuring and Insidious 2 were able to give us a couple of good ghost stories to help us forget this movie.

#3 You’re Next: It was a toss up between this movie and The Purge, but if I’m forced to choose between two terrible home invasion movies, I’ll pick on the indie one. You’re Next has no real sense of direction, laughably stumbling between dull jump scares and unintentional comedy. I heard it’s supposed to be an ironic take on the slasher genre. If that’s true, then joke’s on me, but it seems the only thing I’m missing is the $5.50 from my wallet.

# 2 Scary Movie 5: While You’re Next may have humorous moments, like a guy getting a blender shoved onto his head, there’s not a chuckle to be found in Scary Movie 5. Hollywood keeps pushing a dead franchise that wasn’t even that good to begin with. Why do producers still bother with these Airplane! parody-style rip off movies that aren’t funny, and–more importantly–don’t make money? This kind of thinking is equivalent to putting your hand into a wasps’ nest to get honey, or using your forehead to nail up picture frames.

# 1 The Counsellor: This one really was no contest; it was the biggest waste of time this year. The Counsellor brought together the talents of director Ridley Scott and Cormac McCarthy, and yet all they could come up with is a whole lot of nothing. I can’t imagine attempting to describe its jumbled mess of a movie script. The dialogue and conversation is so indecipherable that you’ll have an easier time translating Sumerian cuneiform than figuring out the plot of this movie.

Click here to read the worst games of 2013.

Click here to read the best games of 2013.

Click here to read our top 5 movies of 2013.