“RED ALERT! RED ALERT! I HAVE A BOY OVER PLEASE DO NOT COME HOME UNTIL AFTER 10! I REPEAT RED ALERT!” I have received this text from one of my roommates in the dorms.
Although some of us would rather ignore it — myself included — sometimes people have sex in the dorms, probably on the bed you’re sitting on right now. People will continue to have sex in the dorms. And a lot of those times will begin with a text like the one above.
People are going to do it no matter what is said in this column — it’s human nature. But before you decide if it’s in your nature, you should consider a few key factors. I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot recently, and there are actually quite a number of downsides to having sex in the dorms.
Number one: When we agree to live with another person, we agree to toe the line between what’s fair and what isn’t. It’s a line that can get very confusing when it comes to using the mutual space for sexual endeavors. However, I’ve come to realize that a little empathy goes a long way. Think about their situation before you seal up the room, because like it or not, you’re actually in a love triangle (or an even bigger polygon if you have multiple roommates or sexual partners). If requesting the space is too much to consider, you should give up on having sex in the dorms.
After you get the roommate’s clearance, you have to get yourself and your partner into the room. It’s actually as simple as walking in and closing the door, but no matter where you live, you’re going to have to go through dozens of other people who can easily guess what you’re going to do. Maybe it’s just me, but it makes me anxious to think about all those people assuming I’m having sex. My point is people will probably know what you’re up to. If you’re okay with that, then please proceed to the next checkpoint.
Number two: noise. I’m talking about noise from you and your partner as well as the general noise of cohabitation. Personally, the second type tends to be more of a problem for me. It distracts me when I can hear people laughing and walking past the locked door, or music coming from the room above mine. But again, if you’re okay with that, move on to the next and final point.
Number three: School rules should always be considered. Overnight guests of the opposite sex are not permitted, so sleepovers are at your own risk. Visitors are allowed from 9 a.m. to midnight Sunday through Thursday, and Fridays and Saturdays are open visitation. Housing and Residence Life also reserves the right to inspect rooms at any time. You should be informed of the consequences your actions may take, and the Housing and Residence Life Handbook will have more information for you.
If you feel like you can get past all of those obstacles, then you’re ready to have sex in the dorms like all those students who have done so before you. It’s actually not as bad as it sounds — it’s a private space that is more or less readily available to you. What more could we really ask for?
