Q:
Dear Features Department,
My roomie, who I adore, has returned from Winter Break with a practically live-in boyfriend!
He’s all up in my personal space, I can’t even microwave Minute Rice in peace.
Help! What should I do? I don’t want to offend her or drive him away from her because he does make her happy, but I want my OK-to-be-naked dorm back.
Yikes!
Cramped Christine
A:
Dear Christine,
Sorry to say, but it’s really a hopeless situation. Your roommate is “in love,” and the blindness doesn’t stop there. She’s made her decision: it’s him over you, baby girl. It’s sex and cuddles over roommate etiquette.
If you try to approach her about it to come to some sort of compromise, she’ll just accuse you of being a prude. We say let go of your inhibitions. Don’t worry about covering up post-shower and steal the roomie’s love-toy for your own escapades with your undiscovered body!
Next thing you know she’ll dump him, and you’ll get back to tranquilly microwaving that Minute Rice.
Love always,
FD
—
Got some quandaries, yourself? Ask the kids who know best. E-mail questions to features@unfspinnaker.com, and perhaps catch yourself in this impressive publication!
