Two Spinnaker staffers make crude assumptions based off of no knowledge

“So … uh, what’s your major?” Not an uncommon question to fire once first encountering a new co-ed at this fine institution, and we all know why. It can be easy to draw quick conclusions about folks based off of their field of study and might save you some time in deciding whether or not someone is worth continuing conversation with. Perhaps next time you find yourself at an unfamiliar soirée, you can simply eyeball their cocktail and pass an even quicker judgment. Bottoms up, kiddos (ages 21 and up, duh)!

Nursing: Long Island iced tea

Booking in the long hours of studying and practice, it makes sense that these clinically minded cats opt for the Long Island. After all, it does combine the forces of gin, vodka, tequila and rum. Sounds like a super hero drink to us. Hey, you’re not carrying that stethoscope for nothing.

Nutrition and Dietetics: Wheatgrass shot

Sans alcohol but super-infused with nutrients, it’s not like those of this major can’t get down, they just keep themselves up instead with smart beverage selections … among other things.

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Economics: Tom Collins

Dollar, dollar, gin, y’all. This drink, in case you’re not constantly reading up on trade and production (or ain’t a massive Jerry Thomas fan), consists of gin, club soda, cherries and lemon juice. And if you didn’t know that, don’t worry. The preference probably lies more in its ambiguity, anyway.

Marketing: Vodka martini

These business-savvy folks come wired with Bluetooth, a dream of enterprise and a love to sip on free-market vodka martinis from their go-to watering hole.

Accounting: Vodka, neat

You guys debit yourselves all day while staring at numbers, but sometimes it’s time to credit yourself with a classy, smooth vodka … neat of course.

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Fine Art: Malt liquor

Perhaps it’s the way splattered ink flecks on a pair of alcohol-thirsty arms nicely compliment how the brown paper bag majestically molds to the high-alcohol content fizzy. More than likely, though, the appeal probably lies in malt liquor’s consistency with the starving artist thing.

Graphic Design: Sake

What goes better with vectorizing cartoons via clicks and taps on a keypad all day than a little Linkin Park and Japanese wine? What’s that? Oh, right. NOTHING.

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Biology: Grasshoppers

It only seems natural for these organisms to give a salute to nature with a chilled creamy, minty bliss. These folks study grasshoppers by day, but dissect them by night.

Chemistry:

It’s all about the scientific method for you guys …

Variable: Test tube shot

Constant: Chemistry student

Hypothesis: That test tube A will make specimen B a little woozy

Conclusion: Hypothesis worked … a little too well

Computer Science: Shirley Temples

We know you put in a lot of screen time, and we know that coding ain’t no walk in the park. Keeping that brain sharp proves a must. But it’s OK to get fancy. Sipping on Shirley Temples and watching the “Matrix” on your laptop is your idea of a well-spent night indoors.

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Criminal Justice: Cheap, American drafts

Gracefully studying and aspiring to enforce justice, it just feels right to rid that tough exterior and go humble with your drink of choice. It’s the beer that supports the American freedom for which you study to fight.

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English/History: Cognac

Cognac is as historic and insightful as you bunch of thinkers. Twice distilled, it’s superb to pair with a fifth reading of Thoreau’s “Life Without Principle” or to integrate into a debate about bygone times and 19th century imperialism.

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Math/Stats: White wine spritzer

The color of graph paper, this white wine-club soda combo surely spritzes up any equation. While it may not make finding the coefficient of kinetic friction any easier, it’s the formula for a killer evening with your TI-83.

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Engineering: Microbrews

When it’s time to put down the tiny model of the steam engine and stop innovating Earth’s next modern marvel, these solution-oriented souls gravitate toward microbrewery beers. The small-batch stouts and lagers are discovered usually by chance … but so was electricity. Go figure.

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Music: Champagne

Music is nothing minor in your life, it’s something to celebrate, and most certainly with a decadent flute of bubbly! The Monteverdis among us crescendo their way into an operatic twilight, cheersing to the greats and wishing on a star that they won’t fold on their next performance lab solo.

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Sociology/Anthropology: Margarita

Promoting cultural relativity can get exhausting. Letting out a bold, yet endearing, tribal shout whilst sucking down this salty, limey Mexican staple is how these humanists get down. ¡Ole!

Psychology: Absinthe

Some might think it appropriate to get psychoactive when you already know all about your cerebral cortex. Looking deep into their souls and their minds, symbolically interpreting and critically analyzing may prove more insightful if the not-so-ordinary spirit, absinthe, is involved. Right, Freud?

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Public Relations and Advertising: Mojito

Nothin’ takes the edge off of a hard day promoting stuff for money like some cool, limey rum. Add a few adornments and toss it into a cutesy glass, and you’ve got a perfectly tailored cocktail for this sector.

Journalism and Electronic Media: Highball

Whiskey’s a workin’ man’s drink, and ginger ale – well, usually exists to soothe unsettled stomachs. A true contradiction in itself, the boozehound reporter with the heart of gold proves the perfect chugger of this particular libation.

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Philosophy and Religious Studies: Merlot

What does it all mean? Slurpin’ a flute or two of plum and currant fermented grapes can really power you through more than a quick skim through “Sophie’s World.” Leave it to those of who look least dumb in a beret to fully pull this one off.

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International Studies: Sangria

Yeah, OK, maybe this one looks like it’s leaning to the Latin realm of things, but really, anyone groping toward cultural understanding across the board tends to dig this fruity punch carrying quite the kick (if properly spiked, that is). How ‘bout those Irish atheists?

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Education: Screwdriver

Pouring knowledge into the future of tomorrow’s head and vodka into their morning OJ, ed majors know how to take the edge off the edge-ucation regime and constant barrage of pencil shavings. You’ve certainly paid your dues in nap time chaperonage and paper mache artistry, you know?