Models aren’t the only things getting thinner this season, pants, too, are evolving into thin air. JNCOs were cool in elementary school, and then the trends went slimmer, to bell-bottoms. The little flare that was left was stitched up with the arrival of skinny jeans, which have apparently been replaced with the more flexible leggings.
Leggings, originally intended to be worn under dresses, have gained a more popular role as the new jeans. But before you go ditching the denims for leggings, listen here. Being the fashion aficionados we are here at the Spinnaker, we’re telling you to skip the wardrobe revamp completely and get comfy in the future of fashion bottoms: pantless perfection.
Spring 2010 exclusively on skin.
Fashion meteorologists expect the trend to take-off as the weather warms up, with the southern states leading. Stars like Lady Gaga and Pamela Anderson have already been spotted sporting the new sans-pants look.
This new style not only scintillates, it doesn’t dish a kick to the wallet. The recession’s had a large hand in catalyzing the popularity of ditching britches — sporting this new look is a great way to look good and spend less.
Pantless styles prove versatile. Going pant-free works well for almost any occasion — whether you are headed to work, the beach or the gym, a bare bottom is all-around stylish. They also go great with most shoe styles — except maybe Crocs, nothing goes with Crocs … not even nothing.
Assley Bottomsworth, a public relations junior, said she heavily supports the nude look.
“I think pantless fashion is the best thing that’s happened to humans since glitter hair gel,” Bottomsworth said. “I’m so excited about it, I think I’ll wear my new bottomless outfit to spinning class tomorrow.”
Bottomsworth is not the only one excited about the drawer dropping development. Seymour Skinner, a biology sophomore, looks forward to the spring fashion improvement.
“What is there to dislike?” Skinner said. “It is both economical and hip. Plus, being a bio major, it will be make studying the human anatomy more accessible.”
Speaking of science, losing the pants is actually healthier for your body and the environment. Less restriction lends to better blood flow and more absorption of vitamin D. It also decreases the amount of land plowed for cotton crops and saves the ozone by eliminating pollution from shipping emissions.
Dr. Juan L’eggs, the leading researcher for eco-fashion, said going bottomless could stop global warming.
“If everyone in the world were to stop wearing pants, the future of the world would be far more stable,” L’eggs said. “And everyone could stop arguing about what we should do about global warming, so it would also be a leg up on world peace.”
Not everyone feels convinced bare legs are the way to go. Dr. Sunny Burns says pantless fashion could lead to an increase in skin cancer.
“We are already having trouble convincing people to cover-up and protect their dermis,” Burns said. “Bottomless trends will only lead to further skin damage, bottom line.”
But like most fashion, this snazzy new look might not necessarily be the best idea, but we’ll all probably do it, anyway.
So lotion up your legs, put on an enormous floppy hat to provide some shade for those stems and strut on. Because this season centers exclusively on springing out of your pants and into the future, where peaceful pantless people roam, happy, healthy and financially worry-free.
