Top Five Best Songs Ever

Spinnaker

If you read only one Top Five ever, let it be this one. Here I present you, fine reader, fished out from the ocean of musical mediocrity, an exquisite platter of simply the finest Top Five Songs Ever — your desert island picks, if you will (and you really should). Catch you fresh cats at Bourbon Street.

“Sex On Fire” by Kings of Leon

Some may say that the first two Kings albums were the only good ones — pssh. Lucky for us Jacksonvillians, cover bands (especially at the beach) steer toward this tantalizing song mega frequently. The Followill brothers (plus that cousin guy) capture an eloquent sense of longing through innovative guitar careening and sexy, shouty vocals. No wonder this song proves simply inescapable.

“Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of …)” by Lou Bega

Too bad Momma Bega birthed Lou in Munich, because damn, would this man ever make a good president. Because flirting really is just like a sport, right? The decade-old song still rings relevant with the mambo master’s inclusion of 11 generic girl names cooed throughout the song. It probably continues to get him laid … often.

“Summer Girls” by LFO

Perhaps the most dexterous execution of namebrand-dropping combined with rando info flung about, the tune clearly plays the direct predecessor to “Jersey Shore.” The sunshiney guitar and seemingly unassociated pairing of words (“Like the color purple, macaroni and cheese/ Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees”) sets the fried rice cravings on high.

“Pony” by Ginuwine

The real Romeo of the soulful hip-hop bangin’ age (the ’90s), Elgin Baylor Lumpkin combined burpy, electronic pulses and sensual lyrics to complete this mad romantic, hump-worthy ballad. “If you’re horny, let’s do it/ Ride it, my pony/ My saddle’s waiting/ Come and jump on it” refers to making love in the classiest innuendo — a little factoid that perhaps went over your little circling head at the roller rink.

“Last Resort” by Papa Roach

Why is it that most of these songs dropped circa early middle school? Regardless of the irony, Californian raucous rockers Papa Roach concocted the perfect musical representation of struggle in the potent form of rap-metal. The escalating riffs and aptly placed cymbal crashes paired with the suicidal lyrics shows how emotionally in touch the group can be. Everything’s alright about this song. Now where did I last set my Smirnoff Ice Strawberry Acai?