Sex with your roommate

Lindsay Montgomery

Avoid those awkward encounters

During my freshman year at UNF, my roommate came back from a night at a club just after I’d gone to bed. She wasn’t alone. And I wasn’t asleep.

By the time I considered coughing or rolling over, she and her newfound romance were having breathy, bed-creaking sex across the room from me.

I politely kept my eyes shut, but my ears were hearing every last grunt.

I was unfazed by that lusty escapade, but not everyone is so understanding. Waking your roommate up over and over from middle-of-the-night banging or opening your door to a heap of nakedness could ruin an otherwise pleasant living environment.

UNF doesn’t have any policies regarding sex in its residence halls, and if you’re living on your own, anything goes. If you or your roommate(s) is(are) sexually active, do yourselves a favor and discuss some ground rules.

In the dorms
Starting next year, freshmen will be required to live on campus. That likely means three residents per room in the Landings, Cove and Crossings.

With so many bodies in those buildings, I wonder if the screams and moans I used to hear through those walls will proliferate or be stifled. My money is on the former.

In my experience, getting alone time when you have only one roommate can be hard enough. Hearing that single INTELLIKEY beep seconds before the door flies open just isn’t enough warning.

As awkward as the prospect may seem — talk to your roommates. You don’t have to get into the details, but let them know you’d like a little quality time with your other. Promise to send a warning text if things start getting hot and heavy.

If your roommate will freak out at the very mention of sex, you’ll have to be sneakier — figure out his or her schedule. But remember, you’ll never know if a class gets canceled.

Same apartment, separate rooms
Don’t think you’re off the hook just because your roommate doesn’t share your bedroom. Your walls are likely thin enough to let through some mid-coitus racket.

If you and your lover are shrugging along almost silent, well, you’re probably doing it wrong — or very carefully — and this advice doesn’t apply to you.

Music should be your go-to defense. Pick some songs you don’t mind getting it on to, and turn them up loud enough to drown out those cries for more. Even if your roommate is suspicious, the implication of sex won’t make her blush as much as hearing you have it.

Consider shower sex as an option, as well, especially if your bathroom is out of the way. Running water won’t completely stifle those noises, though — turn on the fan, just for good measure.

Get out of the house
No matter what your living situation, having sex somewhere other than your home should always be an option.

If you and your boyfriend can’t ever seem to find alone time, create some … in your car. While some decry it as trashy, and it’s been exploited in countless horny-teen romance scenes, car sex is still a classic refuge.

Once you and your girlfriend find an ideal spot (seclusion optional), you’ll never again think of that parking lot in the same way.

A less economical alternative is renting a room, but that may cost money you don’t have. If you can spare the change, take a trip to St. Augustine. Whether you’re staying at a cheap motel or a classy bed and breakfast, the seclusion and change of scenery will enhance the entire experience.

If you and your roommate are open-minded about getting lucky, maybe neither of you mind hearing the other. But you might not always be so fortunate — while your mate may seem more important, it’s the roommate you have to live with all day, every day.

If the sound of fornication disgusts you, maybe it’s time to accept it. Take this small step toward broadening your horizons with the solace that you’re an observer, not a participant. It’s harmless — and hey, you could even learn to enjoy it.