Opinion: God Awful Geese

Austin Belet, Opinions Reporter

You’re walking in the woods.
There’s no one around and your phone is dead.
Out of the corner of your eye, you spot them.

No not Shia LaBeouf, but in fact it is geese. The dreaded bird that is only good for pillows and comforters.

It was a little over two years ago that UNF brought on Bee the Border Collie to help alleviate the plague of aviary atrocities from attacking students and ruining our shoes as we walk to class, but it seems as though we only got temporary relief.

More and more I am noticing these forsaken birds storming the campus and rallying in our parking lots, plotting their onslaught on the main campus and I just keep wondering where has our savior been? Is there some kind of a signal we can send out for Bee? Can we just leave out some Beggin’ Strips in hopes that Bee will return?

One way or the other, I am growing more and more fearful that we will need to assemble the ranks once again and prepare for the battle of our lifetime to once and for all take down the Branta Battalion. I, for one, will not stand for the resurgence of the bothersome beast on campus.

Even in a study that has been conducted by the New Jersey Agricultural Experiment Station the major benefit to having geese around is that they make for good sport, bird gazing, and the spreading of seeds. There isn’t much else.

The spread goes on for a page and a half (out of four pages mind you) about the negative impacts we experience including the devastation on plants (namely grains like barley, wheat, and oats), an increase of pathogens from fecal matter (not only on the sidewalks but also in the water), as well as issues with grass from overgrazing (which we all know they do because they won’t get out of our way while we drive).

My point here is simple: UNF is for students, not for geese. While the feathered-fiend has been minimized in recent times, we are starting to experience the rise of them once again. Let us not let the geese get the jump on us, let us get in front of them (hopefully without their hissing) and make sure we mitigate this problem now before it becomes too late.

The safety of our campus against these petulant bird is at stake.

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