Guest panel experts came to the University of North Florida on Nov. 13 to share advice on how individuals can discuss issues healthily by promoting understanding and identifying common ground with each other.

UNF students and community members gathered in the Student Union Ballroom to attend the panel event, “Civil Discourse – How to Discuss Matters of Public Concern to Promote Knowledge and Understanding.” This event was a collaboration between the UNF Office of Community Engagement and Partnerships and the Jacksonville initiative, Together Against Hate: Promoting Unity in Our Community.

The Jewish Community Alliance and First Coast YMCA collaborated in 2023 to develop the Together Against Hate program, which promotes inclusivity and unity throughout Northeast Florida.

The guest panelists included Corrine Bylund, Stacy Ellison and Nicole Davidson-Harshaw. 

Bylund is the mayor-elect of Neptune Beach and a family law attorney; Ellison is Delores Barr Weaver Policy Center Vice President of Development & Communications; Davidson-Harshaw is a National Board Certified Counselor for mental health at LJD Jewish Family & Community Services and Dupont Counseling Group.

The panel was moderated by Dr. Chris Janson, UNF Counseling Program Associate Professor and Director, who prompted a series of questions for the speakers to discuss.

The panelists shared insights on promoting civil discourse including topics on self-awareness, vulnerability, choice therapy and maintaining boundaries with others.

On the topic of self-awareness, Bylund revealed a personal weakness. 

“One of my big limitations that I still carry to this day… is that I am a very judgmental person. I have found that in my professional life, it serves me well to size people up quickly and effectively and that doesn’t always work,” said Bylund. “You can be wrong and you can be wrong a lot… What I’ve found over the years is that sometimes I am delighted to be wrong.”

Davidson-Harshaw shared her thoughts on building self-awareness as a mental health counselor.

“When you’re hearing, seeing, exposed to something different than what you would normally experience, talk with yourself. Have a conversation with the expert that is the biggest expert of you—yourself,” Davidson-Harshaw said. “When you teach yourself how to treat yourself, you teach other people how to treat you as well.”

During the discussion, insights on the term “sonder” were shared by the panelists. 

Ellison defined the word as the “profound awareness that every person you encounter has experienced a lifetime of hopes, fears, loves, and heartaches you will never know. “ 

“Each moment of sonder is a reminder to appreciate how little we truly grasp about others’ lives,” she said. 

Bylund shared insights regarding the importance of showing vulnerability in personal settings.

“Becoming vulnerable is a way to make other people feel comfortable so that you can learn from them. There’s a lot that can be gained from letting yourself be vulnerable at the right time.”

“Vulnerability is the key to building true authentic relationships. Through true authentic relationships and true connections, boundaries can be broken,” said Bylund. 

Davidson-Harshaw talked about how everyone makes choices each day.

“It’s a choice to have your job, even if you don’t like it. It’s a choice to interact with people… and in my field, we call it choice therapy,” she said.

At the end of the discussion, audience members were given time to ask the panelists questions.

One student asked, “How do you handle a situation where you’re trying to have a conversation with someone and they cross your boundaries? How do you let things go?”

“I think it’s important to set your intention in the beginning of these conversations, first and foremost. Is your intention to prove your point? Or to learn?” Ellison answered. “If you can go into these conversations with a strong level of emotional regulation, I think that it allows you to navigate it when it gets heated a little more.”

Ellison continued to share that one can then articulate calmly how their boundary was crossed “in a way that is not cloaked in anger or hostility,” she said. 

Dr. Leslie Kaplan, Director and Professor at the Hicks Honors College, encouraged her students to attend the event as an assignment completion option for her honors course National Identity & Migration.

After the panel discussion, her students formed into several small groups to discuss two question prompts on the screen.

Bylund shared additional insights after the discussion. 

She shared that the most common issue individuals have when discussing topics they do not agree on is boundaries and “being able to have conversations in a happy, productive way.”

Regarding the election, Bylund thinks it is “terrible and very sad” that some people have decided to end their relationship with someone because they voted for a specific candidate.

“People need to continue to talk to each other, engage in positive discourse and realize how similar we are,” she said.

Bylund said people should focus on commonalities rather than differences because “we are all in this together.”

According to Bylund, the most important thing people should remember is that “everybody has a story and a perspective,” she said.

Allyson Leppert, a Hicks Honors College student and freshman in elementary education, said she originally attended the event to fulfill Kaplan’s assignment but was glad she came, finding the panel informative.

Leppert said practicing civil discourse means “actually listening” to someone else’s point of view so one can understand both sides.

Leppert enjoyed the stories her small group shared in their discussion after the panel and the insights the experience provided.

“The best part about honors is that we get to meet a lot of different people,” said Leppert. “Every single event I’ve been able to attend [so far] has helped me with how I want to do life.”

Registration is open for “Military Community: Unique Barriers & Challenges,” the next Together Against Hate speaker series event on Dec. 5 at 6 p.m. at the Stephen A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at Centerstone.

In addition to its speaker series, Together Against Hate hosts a series of “Curious Conversations” events to dive deeper into topics with small group discussions. The next discussion is on the issue of racism and will be held at the Ponte Vedra Beach Branch Library on Nov. 19 at 10:30 a.m.

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